How to Win Friends and Influence People
“How to win friends and influence people” is an absolutely wonderful book I wished I’d read 10 or 15 years before I did. Some important ideas - Just, get along with people. A bit reductionist but if you don’t place a high priority on getting along with people you certainly won’t learn how. It really is a habit, and it’s incredibly effective to remember the Cognitive Behavior insight that when you don’t get along with someone, you are almost always choosing not to get along with them ... you know exactly what to do to get along with them and just don’t want to do it. - Conversly, not…
Here's what I did and/or do. 1. I constantly ask trusted friends and family members if I was blundering in social situations. I asked my wife this evening, when our daughter had her boyfriend over for dinner. I didn't blunder. I asked anyway. I will ask during an event, especially if it lasts for hours. Ultimately when I blunder, I reprogram how I will respond when that situation arises again. While that could be a thousand little actions, I find I can generalize things, and that makes it easier. 2. Put yourself in tough social situations. I did fashion photography for 8 years as…
"Social skills are not bullshit; they are intelligence just like everything else. The fact that you only know how to do math does not show that you are intelligent; it only shows that you are specialized. The fact that women prefer men who are good at socializing is, ironically, direct Darwinian selection for intelligence." You know, I'm tired of smart people apologizing that they're good at math/programming/physics/whatever. True, the fact that you are a math pro shows that you are specialized, but by being able to understand and achieve in this field you showed intelligence. I would define…
From the Father, as all things are, but the Son directs it thereafter. The Holy Spirit is like the force - it's behind all things, like lines of code behind a web page - but more specifically it's similar to a background process within a system that allows for all actions on the page to exist, by their causes, their consequences and the ensuing causes and consequences and so on forever and since the start of time. The Holy Spirit is similar to fate but unlike fate we have ability to dictate and direct our reality - like in "How to Win Friends and Influence People" this is the force within…
> What has happened to today's society Our society has been doing this for a long time. My beloved Hardy Boy childhood books were actually the edited version - edited to remove racial stereotypes, says Wikipedia, and to target a different audience. (Investigating now, the changes were extensive! Compare the 1927 "The Secret of the Old Mill " https://archive.org/details/the-secret-of-the-old-mill/page/... with the 1962 version at https://archive.org/details/secretofoldmil00fran/page/n15/mo... .) The 1981 revised edition of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was edited (posthumously)…
Having spent some time in outbound sales (after tech burn-out), the most important aspect (as many comments say) is "relationships". The best training for that is to go out and make them. We had sales training every single day, so it's really not something you can pick up a book or go to a weekend class and walk away being effective. That said, books and classes are a good way to find your footing. Never Eat Alone - Keith Ferrazzi (networking & relationship building) Never Sit in the Lobby - Glenn Poulos (sales & relationships) Getting to Yes - Roger Fisher (negotiation, particularly…
Ok, it sounds like you have a lot to work on, personally speaking. That's not unusual; most smart people in their 20s do have serious issues to work through. I don't know you, so I can't comment on that. You probably have a better sense of what you need to fix about yourself than I do. Three job-ending personality conflicts in less than 3 years is worse than average, but not the worst I've seen. But do take the hint that you might be doing a few things wrong. You don't need to be a popular-jock type, but please do yourself a favor and bring your social skills at least up to the 35th…
Here is a list of books that I have found most useful in my daily routine, both as a Linux systems administrator at work, and more generally as a human being learning to deal with other people. As always, I welcome correspondence with anyone about these texts or related topics: mitchelldeacon9@gmail.com PSYCHOLOGY / SALES / MARKETING Berne, Eric (1964) Games People Play Carnegie, Dale (1981) How to Win Friends and Influence People, revised ed. Cialdini, Robert (2006) Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, revised ed. Covey, Stephen (1989) Seven Habits of Highly Effective People Ekman,…
I led sales at our company and have sold many (tens of) millions of enterprise software. Not all lessons carry over to every company / product / buyer group but below are my high level thoughts. I am happy to take this offline as well if you have specific questions (I enjoy paying it forward). Note that the below is predicated on the assumption that the product you are selling has product market fit - without that, nothing matters because it isnt a product worth selling. The Golden Rule (for us): people do business with people they know, they like, and they trust. - To be known, you need to…
Many more beyond this but these are my for sures. People / Soft Skills: * How to win friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie * Secrets of Consulting - Gerald Weinberg * Peopleware - Tom DeMarco & Timothy Lister * Nurtured by Love - Shinici Suzuki * Turn the Ship Around! - David Marquet * Never Split the Difference - Chris Voss http://dhemery.com/articles/resistance_as_a_resource/ http://dhemery.com/articles/managing_yourself_through_change... Macro Skills: * Toyota Production System - Taiichii Ohno * Workplace Management - Taiichii Ohno * Thinking in Systems - Donella…